Cosmetic Testicles
This is one of my favorite stories - because it’d be one of my first radio stories.
I hadn’t been in the business 6 months when on WCVS @ 6pm, I uttered the words, "Cosmetic Testicles." I was accused of saying, "Rubber Balls" - but I defended myself by saying, "Nope, I said Cosmetic Testicles." I was coming out of a newscast with the late Marty Wright. That day I’d received in the mail - a catalog from a medical supply warehouse. It was full of rubber hands and steel knee-caps. As I told the story, Marty chimed in, "I bet there’s one thing that’s NOT in there." I shot back, "Nope they’re in here……COSMETIC TESTICLES!" I held up the picture in the catalog for Marty to see, and there was a man wearing strap on testicles!!! We both laughed hard and I hit the song.
As fate would have it, the song I started was, "Red Rubber Ball." If you’re old enough, you remember it. I hadn’t planned this. It was fate that was the next song. I was too green in the business at that point to have considered this second punch-line. The HOTLINE rang almost immediately. It was the Program Director Jim Palmer. He asked calmly, "Did you just say Rubber Balls on the air?" I said, "No Jim, I said C.T.." Without pause, he asked me to meet with him in the GM’s office early the next day.
After sweating about 15 hours, I met with Ken Spengler & Jim in Kens office. I thought my young radio career was over. Spengler proceeds to ask, "Son, what on Earth posessed you to go on my family station at 6pm during the dinner hour and say "Rubber Balls?" You know my comeback by now. He said, C.T. or rubber balls - it’s the same thing - if you ever ever ever pull something like this again, you are history!"
I hadn’t uttered the word testicles on the air for 30 years - until just recently when I told this story on WNNS. The Governor had used the word with the media - and I followed the discussion with a song. You guessed it. RED RUBBER BALL.
