AMJOCK.COM Confessions of Brian Pierce, a morning radio disc jockey.

Jackson Browne came to see Bri.  As always, I didn’t have much advance notice - maybe 10 minutes.  Remember, this was waaaay before the internet - and my knowledge of Jackson Browne was limited to liner notes in albums, what I caught in magazines and what I saw on TV.  Jackson arrived looking tired and irritated.  I imagine he was.  His people probably encouraged him to do this radio bit to plug his concert that night - and he’d done this 1000 times.  I shook his hand and we got into it almost immediately.  Browne was in the tabloids that week - reportedly dating Darryl Hannah.  So instead of me asking the typical "How’s life on the road" question, I chime in with, "So what’s the deal with Darryl Hannah?"  He says, "I don’t wanna talk about it."  I say, "I really like that Lawyers in Love song.  I bet Darryl Hannah likes it."  He says, "Man, I’m not gonna talk about Darryl Hannah."  I say, "Easy JB, it’s everywhere about you two - you are a lucky guy.  Did you see Splash?"  He says, "Yes I did - and what I do with Darryl Hannah is my business."  "So you are acknowledging a relationship with Darryl Hannah?"  He says, "What’s your problem man?"  I said, "You come in here to plug a show I’ve been plugging for two weeks.  We all know you’re in town tonight.  Can you blame us if we’re a little interested in you dating Darryl Hannah?"  JB then walked out.  I asked Brownes’ manager if Darryl Hannah was gonna be there.  He said he didn’t know, but Hannah was at the hotel last night.  Jackson Browne dumped Darryl Hannah within weeks of this interview.  I imagine he liked talking about himself more than Darryl Hannah.

New Orleans 1984.  I’m flying down Airline Highway back to the suburbs after work in my company car.  They gave me a car with my name all over it.   It looked like a clown car, but that’s beside the point.  I ran out of gas.  The gas gauge didn’t work well and I was still getting used to it.  I coast into a Church Parking lot.  My car comes to a rest just outside the front door.  I plan on going inside to use a phone.  I see people inside pointing and sort of running around.  They’re pointing at me.  I just assume they’re listeners and will be more likely to allow me to use the phone.  I walk inside and am met with people shouting, "Praise God!"  I ask to use the phone.  A woman shouts, "You have been sent to us!"  What?  "You MUST go inside the hall sir!  You must go inside!"  What’s inside the hall?  This was no ordinary church.  This ministry had it’s own television network and was broadcasting live all across the south.  The subject of that nights broadcast was, "The Evils of Rock Music!"  These people were convinced I was sent there to repent for the music I played.  They wanted me to go on camera.  I declined over and over, asking instead to simply use the phone.  They allowed me to make a call, and within 20 minutes I had gas and was outa there.  I’ve always wondered if I was indeed sent there that night.  The song on my station when I ran out of gas, after all, was "I want a New Drug."

Ten years ago - almost to the day - Tickle me Elmo was all the rage.  Moms are calling asking where to buy it.  They were sold out everywhere.  I had a contact though. Linda, my next door neighbor, worked at Target.  She did some investigative work, and learned of one final shipment of 12 arriving the next day.  She pulled one out for me - I bought it - and had the hot toy to give away.  But how?  What was I gonna do?  We thought about burying it.  Maybe hide it somewhere and give clues.  Throw it out of an airplane.  HAHA.  That "crack’ - led us to what we decided to do.  We couldn’t of course, throw Elmo from a plane - but we could strap Elmo to a parachutist.  Simply announce that somewhere over the city was a small plane.  In seconds a parachutist will jump out.  be the first to "tag" the parachutist - and win the Elmo.  The day & time came and things went off without a hitch.  We landed Elmo on our cities busy west side on a weekday @ 8am.  The parachute was seen by thousands - who ALL knew what was going on - by the crowd gathered - and the ensuing rush.  The parachutist was literally TACKLED by a listener.  The TV stations were tipped off and the whole thing was broadcast on the news that night.  It was a cute promo for $35.  The Mid America Parachute Club in Taylorville came through for us that day and specifically Michael Ayers, who strapped on Elmo.  Tragically, Michael lost his life just a few years later in a parachuting accident.

1987. We have an arrangement with a local Boston comedy club to bring in their featured act each week.  I meet Paula Poundstone, Ellen Degenerous, Garry Shandling - and one Friday morning - Jerry Seinfeld.  Remember, at the time - Jerry was simply a working comic.  He was on the Tonight show frequently, so I knew his work - I simply didn’t realize what he was about to become.  Jerry was a good guy and easy to work with.  He asked what I wanted to do. We both agreed to try something different.  We pulled out our wallets to see how many one dollar bills we could produce.  Between my co-host, Jerry & I - we came up with about 15.  At the time, I kept walkie talkies in my office.  Every now & then they came in handy for bits.  I’d simply hold them up to the microphone and talk to whomever.  This day, Seinfeld took a walkie talkie & the dollar bills and hit the street just one story below my studio window.  I could see him clearly.  Jerry wanted to approach strangers and see if they recognized him from the Tonight Show.  If they did - he was going to give them a dollar.  So, walkie talkie in hand and live on WZOU - Jerry asked strangers, "Do you know who I am?"  The commuters walked on - head down.  "Brian, they won’t make eye contact!  They’re doing that look down when you walk thing!  God Forbid these people look up!!!"  He asks another, "Do I look familiar?"  "Why yes you do!  You’re David Brenner right?"  Jerry says, "Right you are - here’s a dollar!"  We played songs and commercials for an hour cutting frequently to Jerry on the street outside.  Eventually people walked that way because they’d heard what we were doing.  It wasn’t alot of people - just enough to make it fun.  The comedy that day was people not wanting to talk to a stranger - let alone take a dollar from one.  Can you imagine how many people today would show up if I repeated this bit?

This is the story that’s made being in my business worth it.  I find out with almost no advance notice, that members of the band Chicago are on the escalator and headed for the studio.  It’s New Orleans 1985.  Chicago is my all time favorite band, so I am psyched.  I wonder who’ll come in.  In minutes, it’s Robert Lamb, Walt Parazader, Pete Cetera & Jim Pankow standing right in front of me.  More than any other time, I’m starstruck.  I have about 3 minutes till I’m back on the air, so I begin to rant about how I’m their number one fan.  They thank me.  I say, no really - I am YOUR NUMBER ONE FAN!!!!  I bought all their albums on the first day they were released.  I’d seen them in concert 15 times.  I was in awe.  We begin the interview (they had a show that night @ U.N.O. Lakefront Arena & I had front row seats) and all things went well.  It was the typical rock & roll interview.  What do you think of New Orleans?  Ever been here before?  Where have you been?  Where do you go next?  What song is the next single?  I went to commercials and then asked them something just between us.  Being that I’d seen them so many times, I knew that they didn’t always play my favorite song - Make Me Smile.  I wanted to know if they’d planned to play it that night.  They said, they didn’t know - the set list wasn’t finished yet.  Then I asked this: "If you wanted to, could you play side two of Chicago II?"  Side two of Chicago II is one continuous 28 minute piece, and Make Me Smile is part of it.  They all looked at each other and said, "yeah sure."  I asked again, "You could play the whole thing from memory?"  They assured me that back in the early 70’s often their tracks were recorded in one straight through take.  I thought that was cool.  We talked on air for another 10 minutes or so and they left without incident.  That night I went to the show and was planted in the front row dead center.  I had the best seat in the house.  The band came on.  The crowd cheered - and before the applause died, they broke into SIDE TWO OF CHICAGO II.  They played the whole thing front to back.  I was crying.  I actually wept when my heroes did this.  Never on Earth did I expect them to do this.  I never really asked them if they would.  Maybe they had planned this all along.  Over the years I’ve come to believe that they did this for me that night.  Since -  I’ve seen Chicago in concert - twice.  Both times they began the concert with SIDE TWO OF CHICAGO II.  They must like it too - I mean II.

So I’m doing a broadcast from San Antonios new Sea World.  The celebrities are out in force.  One by one, Bri meets with them on air.  I’m told that in 15 minutes I’ll do a piece with William P. Clements & Patrick Duffy.  Bill Clements was the beloved Governor & Duffy was the beloved Bobby Ewing from Dallas.  I was excited.  I had a moment, so I decided to have a sub sandwich.  Sea World was providing an endless supply of goodies for the media.  Minutes before the interview, and I mean 120 seconds - I realize that the sandwich has loostened my passenger side front tooth.  It’s a false tooth I’ve had since childhood - (I lost it in an accident.)  The tooth had never loostened before.  I was wary - but confident the tooth wouldn’t just pop out.  The celebrities are ready and so is Bri.  The interview begins.  I speak first with Duffy.  "So Bobby, may I call you Bobb"…spurt.  My tooth careened off his shoulder and onto the floor under a chair.  I don’t think Duffy saw what happened.  I tried to continue, but immediately realized that with no front tooth - I speak like Daffy Duck.  It’s impossible to innunciate.  God it was terrible.  I imagine Duffy wondered how I’d managed a career in radio with a speech impediment.  I cut it as short as possible and took a break.  I tried then to secretly re-install the tooth.  It didn’t work.  I slobbered all over the Texas Governor too.  I slobbered for another hour or so and spit the tooth out one last time on the tram going back to the car.  It literally shot onto the parking lot - causing me to jump out after it.  I was at the Dentist the next day.  Since, I’ve only lost the tooth on air just once - at WNNS about 10 years ago.  It wasn’t a problem - because now I keep glue handy.  I learned from history, and therefor will not repeat it.

Remember the movie with Clint Eastwood?  Clints a DJ who deals with an obsesssed fan.  This was the original Fatal Attraction.  Bad idea.  I’ve dealt with a few obsessed people over the years.  All when I was younger - and all - really lonely women who listened to radio late at night.  Going to mornings pretty much stopped the calls & visits dead in their tracks.  If you imagine that evening & all night jocks get calls from strange women, you’re right.  Some just show up at the station - and while walking to your car - they spring on you.  It always starts the same way.  You get a call.  You’re nice.  They call back the next day.  You’re nice again.  They call three days in a row.  Then twice a show, then three times, then four - then you have to decide if you want to continue to be nice.  I’ve been really stalked only two times that I can remember.  On both occasions I was nice even after the calls escalated to multiple times a night.  Then I made the nighttime DJ mistake - all nighttime DJ’s make.  I agreed to meet these women.  Let’s just say I knew within 3 seconds of meeting - it "wasn’t gonna work out."  I’ve never had my life threatened.  I’ve been threatened with, "I’ll never listen to you ever ever again for as long as I live!"  I’ll stay on the morning show thank you - where the women who call are smart, career minded and mostly married.

Occasionally I’ll say something that incites a negative reaction.  It doesn’t happen often.  In maturity, I’ve learned how to say what needs to be said and not make the GM’s phone ring.  But, before the maturity - with wreckless abandon - often I’d spout things people found offensive.  This one made the GM’s phone ring.  Seemed pretty tame.  But enter the concerns of famine & children - and voila - tasteless joke.  This was about the time Bob Geldof was suggesting we "Feed the World."  I heard the joke earlier that day.  It was a thinking mans joke.  I laughed for 30 minutes.  Surely everyone would enjoy this little jewel.  The punchline is subtle - my kind of joke.  I cracked the mic with: "What’s the fastest animal on the planet?  An Ethopian Chicken!!"  HAHAHAHA - thud.  I was on air within 30 minutes expressing my apologies for being so insensitive.  I haven’t done any starvation bits since.

I was Iraq’s first rock & roll disc jockey.  That’s a hell of a claim - but true.  2004 Camp Freedom Mosul Iraq.  Brian & Kellie have an "in" with the public affairs unit and discover they’ll sign on what they’re gonna call Radio TFO-FM 94.6.  TFO as in Task Force Olympia.  The station intends to transmit information to military personnel.  I ask if they intend to broadcast music.  They hadn’t really considered it.  The stations reach is Mosul Iraq & 15 miles in all directions.  I suggest they program music and offer to send complete shows on CD.  They take me up on the offer -agreeing to broadcast the shows.  The Iraqi people have never heard American Rock & Roll radio.  In June, July & August 2004, they finally did.  Adrian Cronauer yelled "Good Morning Vietman" in the 60’s.  His broadcasts originated from the structured AFRTS.  35 years later, using a briefcase transmitter, I was the first to scream, "Good Morning Iraq!"  I wanted to give away a goat to the 9th caller.  I was told maybe that wasn’t a good idea.

You’re on the air on the hometown radio station at 9pm.  You get off at midnight.  It’s raining ice and you don’t have an icescraper.  What would you do?  I thought that in a couple of hours I’d have an impossible situation on my hands.  I was afraid I’d not be able to see through the windshield.  I simply went on the air and asked if anyone had a spare icescraper.  If anyone had one they should come to the radio station right now.  "To make it worth your while, I’ll give you the new Journey album."  (We had a giant box of them in the hall.)  I went to the door after the announcement expecting to see a car drive up.  Seconds later one did.  I grabbed an album, went outside, they gave me a scraper, I ran back inside thinking I’d just go back on the air in minutes and say thanks.  It wasn’t gonna be that easy.  Before I could make it to the stairs, I saw more headlights.  It was another car.  I grabbed another album.  Then I saw more lights, I grabbed another album.  I ran outside and was met by those cars and three more.  I exchanged the albums for scrapers, grabbed more albums and got more scrapers.  More headlights.  More, then more, then more, then more, then more, then more came.  There were 50 albums in the box that night, and at midnight I had 50 icescrapers.  In about 15 minutes, I had a lifetime supply of icescrapers, and about two and a half hours to concoct a story to tell my boss about what happened to the box of Journey albums.  I don’t recall getting into hot water over this - he must have understood - maybe he heard the bit - but that night I discovered the power of what I’d chosen to do for a living.